In many ways adjusting, or readjusting, to the dreaded night feed(s) is a lot like the stages of loss or grief.
Maybe it’s because you’re grieving for the loss of a decent night’s sleep, whatever the reason I thought I would share what joy we have been experiencing every night since we foolishly decided to have another child so soon after the first one finally decided to sleep through. Idiots.
1. Denial (11.30pm)
The baby has finished his latest feed in record time, has been winded successfully and is quietly snoozing in his moses basket. I’ve finally cracked this whole motherhood thing, no one can do this better than me, tonight is the night this little shit bundle of joy will sleep for longer than two hours straight. I can feel it. Sleep is mine.
2. Anger (11.32pm)
He’s awake and pretty annoyed at being swaddled within an inch of his life.
2. Anger (12.02am)
Why won’t he stop crying? He’s just so angry.
2. Anger (12.47am)
How the f*ck is my husband sleeping through this tirade of abuse I’m getting from a screaming child? How is it even possible? What if I kick him awake? I’d better not kick him.
2. Anger (1am)
I kicked him. He’s awake and asking what I’ve done to annoy the baby. Seriously? I GAVE HIM LIFE (My go-to answer for anyone questioning my parenting).
2. Anger (1.12am)
Traitorous baby falls asleep on husband’s chest within minutes. I hate them both. Well, just the husband; at least the baby is cute. Right, sleep time.
3. Bargaining (3am)
I can hear stirring. Please, God, no. I swear to Christ I will definitely stick to my diet tomorrow and not plonk the toddler in front of tv all day if I can just have a decent stretch of sleep. I will definitely go for a run before everyone wakes up and tackle the laundry. I swear. If I just get some sleep, I’ll have the energy to be ‘Super Mum’. I know it!
2. Anger (3.04am)
He’s awake, well it looks like Cebeebies will be babysitting tomorrow while I eat chocolate. I’ll just burn the dirty clothes.
4. Depression (3.30am-4.40am)
I’m feeling very sorry for myself. Baby looking smug about keeping me up. Clearly this is my husband’s fault; I’m going to hide one of his shoes tomorrow. He’ll have to go into the office with only one and then he’ll be forced to fashion himself a new pair from office supplies. I’m over-thinking this. I need sleep. Maybe I should kick him again.
5. Acceptance (6am)
Did I fall asleep? Does blinking count as actual sleep? Maybe I should Google it. He’s asleep. I can hear toddler talking to himself over the monitor. At least it’s Saturday, Daddy can take over while I have a lie in.
2. Anger (6.01am)
It’s Tuesday.