Today marks another 100 days without alcohol and this time was pretty tough.
Scrolling through the work of @teedoodler I spotted this and it summed up how I had been feeling.
It’s a really stressful time at the minute and I was craving the instant relaxation that a glass of wine provides but I also knew it was not going to be worth it.
During the first 100 day challenge I was so determined to get there I didn’t really examine all the things I was feeling. This time, because I knew 100 days wouldn’t be the end, I basically had no choice but to take a look at them and listen to what they were trying to tell me.
And Christ on a bike did those feelings want to be bloody heard.
I cried at EVERYTHING.
I cried because I was no longer numb, I cried because I was happy or tired or hungry or sad – basically my family were living with a toddler. It was pretty exhausting until I finally accepted I had work to do to sort this.
Without the numbness of alcohol, that I used as a safety blanket, I had to confront everything I was feeling and had to get used to sitting through the discomfort, working through it, calling it out for the bullshit it was or finding a better way to handle it.
Because of that, the next time this little nugget of anxiety-induced fear appeared I was able to show it the door and get on with my life.
If this was the only benefit that these 100 days brought me, then it was worth it but there was so much more.
The most obvious one was: time.
We have so much more time it’s crazy.
There’s no wasted hungover weekends, I have clear, achievable goals that I know I’ll actually do instead of just talking about them, we’ve made big, audacious plans for the next year, five years, ten years and I’m so excited and grateful that I’ve been given the chance to go for them.
Lastly, I feel authentic. I feel like I’ve finally given myself the chance to actually be the person I’ve always wanted to be but was too afraid to show to the world. I can’t say that I’ve completely lost the fear of doing this, but what’s life as a writer without existential dread and self doubt 😂
Those of you who are planning on doing Sober October, I hope it brings you a glimpse of how awesome things can become when you take off the beer goggles and experience life in technicolour 😘💕
Here’s to the next 100 days of living